What to Say When You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say

Today was a down day... a down in the dumps day... I didn't feel like being nice. I didn't want to speak kind words. I just wanted to be left alone... but I'm Mom, and I don't get that luxury.

"Mommy!! She hit me!!!"

"She hit me first!!!"

"Because she was playing in the toilet again!!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh! LIAR!!!"

"Wahhh!!!"

This had been going on all day long. I would nip it in the bud, take care of the problems and the problem behaviors (I thought), and go back to my housework only to have to repeat the cycle minutes later. Being 30 weeks pregnant and sick, I already felt like a seething teapot, and this was added to the mix. I felt like busting out with an explosive, "SHUUUUT UUUUP!!!!!" I wanted to just knock their heads together tell them how wrong they were and send them bed for the rest of the day... or to Grandma's. Instead, I felt that convicting touch of the Holy Spirit. I heard His still, small voice whispering in my  heart, reminding me to be kind and compassionate, to be tender and affectionate, and to show the great love of the Lord. So... I took a deep breath and handled the situation (for the umpteenth time) the way God said to... with love.

I often fail in this area. I often let my tongue get in the way. I often say things I regret, things I wish I hadn't. We all have...

So... What DO you say when you don't have anything nice to say?

That old adage comes to mind, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Most of us heard that saying over and over and over :) growing up. 

Not only is it better for those who have to listen to us if we keep our mouths shut, not only is it better for us since we won't have to remove our foot later, but Proverbs 17:27, 28 also tells us that "zipping your lips" is the wise thing to do and will keep us from looking like a fool! "He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."

The Bible teaches us to study out our answers before we give them. Study your words. Are they pure? Are they helpful? Are they necessary? Are they kind? Will you give them in the spirit of love? Proverbs 15:28 says, "The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things."

Remember that one word can change a heart. One unnecessarily harsh tone can crush a tender spirit. One moment of unguarded lips can ruin your testimony, damage your ability to witness, and make a person feel unneeded, unloved, and unwanted. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." (Proverbs 18:21)

What do you say when you don't have anything nice to say? --Nothing!

How do YOU keep from saying words that you'll regret? I usually sing, since that usually calms me down and clears my mind. All of us need help in this area. All of us need the extra ideas. What do YOU do? Please share! :)

Messy Mishaps and Creative Conclusions

Just a simple bathroom break, right? Nope... not with chidren...

Approaching the bathroom, I noticed my bathmat and rugs were piled on the floor in the doorway. Weird... Stepping over the pile, I saw a large puddle of water in front of the bathroom sink. Not a big deal. Someone spilled water... Wait... Did the toilet overflow? Is that why the rugs are all outside the bathroom? Carefully avoiding the puddle, I moved further into the bathroom and looked at the puddle again. With my angle came a new realization. The puddle was yellow. Yellow!!! You have got to be kidding me!!! Hannah peed her pants?... again?!... or was it the dog?!!

Already exhausted from the day's work, I just stood there staring at the mess for a moment. As I stood, defeated, I thought about how there is always more work to be done. I thought about all the messes I clean up every day... messes that add to my work... messes that make me sigh in frustration as I roll up my sleeves to take care of yet another task when I was so close to being able to just sit down and relax.

Well... better clean it up... Conveniently, there was a large bath towel on the floor beside the puddle. Moving it toward the mess with my foot, I noticed that this was not urine as I had assumed, but a large puddle of hand soap! Praise God! I quickly cupped my hands and used them to scoop water onto the floor four or five times, then I used the soap and water and the dirty towel to scrub my floor. Now, thanks to someone's mishap, I have a very clean, very shiny bathroom floor!

As we go through life, it is so easy to jump to conclusions about people and situations, and I have found that I am more likely to jump to conclusions when it comes to my family and less likely to ask for the truth about a situation. The verse, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32), comes to mind here. Finding the truth behind everything, just simply asking, is so important! It will divert arguments, stall frustration, and build trust. Next time you walk upon a situation that looks bad, do not jump to a conclusion and then fume over it like I did. Instead, ask God for His help, ask those involved for their explanation, and ask yourself if your relationship is worth a squabble over a misunderstanding.


Until Next Time,

Nishoni Harvey
Author of "The Fanatics"

Howls on the How To's

Last month, I decided that I would try my hand at knitting. Last week, I bought a set of knitting needles on clearance at a store that is going out of business. Tonight, I tried to knit, emphasis on the word "tried".

Sitting down with my one page computer printout of "How To" instructions, a desire to learn, a new skein of green yarn, purchased from a yard sale, and my new needles, I was full of hope and anticipation. Then I tried to start... Who writes the instructions for these things anyway? Have you ever tried to read them? I turned my head sideways, I looked at them upside down, I crossed my eyes, I read them out loud, I stood on my head... No matter what I tried, understanding the instructions alluded me. They seemed to be written in Latin... or Chinese...

I tried and failed and tried again. Frustration had me sighing, pitching the needles, and vowing to give up. Finally, I got the first stitch to stay on the needle. Yes, I said "first stitch"! I kept trying. I had two, three, four stitches! Then I dropped my needle and had to start over... twice... *Sigh*... I now have two rows of enough stitches across my needle to make it wide enough to make a scarf... or maybe a potholder... all because I kept on trying!

Have you ever tried to teach your child something only to have them consistently fail at trying to perform the task set before them? Does it frustrate you? I wonder if our instructions sound like gibberish to them. I wonder how much it frustrates them. I wonder if they feel like giving up, throwing their "needles", or promising to never try again. I wonder if they keep on trying just simply to make us happy. I wonder if they take our frustration at the situation to mean that we are mad at them. I wonder if we discourage them by the manner in which we handle it and our lack of patience.

I learned some things today, things I should have learned long ago. I realized that maybe I am not always as clear as I think I am. I learned that when I try to teach my girls a new task, I really need to sit down with them and walk them through it step by step, showing them carefully how I want it done. I learned that it might help to show them, not just once, but two or three times. I learned that even though my children have a desire and acclamation to learn, unclear or hard to understand instructions may frustrate them to the point of quitting. I learned that my children's failures in learning to do a new chore, sew, write, read, or clean may be my fault, the fault of faulty instructions.

I made a new vow today. From now on, I will try my hardest to always be my clearest, breaking instructions down to the simplest form necessary. I vowed to not only tell my children how to do something, but to show them. I decided to actively teach, to truly train my children!

What about you? Do you get frustrated with your children's inabilities? What do you think we can do to meet the goal of carefully training our children and being frustration-free during the process? Will you join me in a challenge to go one or two days without yelling at our children in frustration over something as silly as writing the letter "G" wrong for the twentieth time in a row? Can we make it a week? What about a month... or a year? How about forever? I am going to try... How about you?